Well this one isn't so much an article as it is saying some stuff that is pretty true but yeah. I wrote it and if for anyreason you need to use it for anything, ask my permission first. Thanks!
I don't understand how people can just throw their lives away and kill themselves. I personally can never see life as that bad as to want to end it all. Maybe its because I put in my head that if I have no reason to live then I will prove I do or I will make a reason to live. People who do go through with it are in my view, just being selfish for not thinking of others and how they will feel or what harm they can do to another. Not to mention that many people who shoot themselves in the head to end it, usually don't die. Instead they become a vegetable for the rest of their life. For those people who choose to end it by jumping off of bridges-depending on the bridge and what it's over-they can seriously hurt someone. An example of that is people who jump off a a bridge that is over a roadway where people are currently driving; they can land on a car and hurt someone or cause another accident or they can end up killing someone. That is a blatent disregard for another person's life. I have experienced a death in my family due to suicide and you one) would never think that this particular person would ever do something like that and two) there is nothing that could be that bad!! Honestly! But this person, my family, was only 12 and I guess since with hormonal changes and increase of highschool drama now in middle and elementary schools that in his world, it was that bad. See I know how people can come to the conclusion that things are that bad but think towards the future and choose hope over death. Find someone to talk to, that tends to help ease the pain or lessen the drama one is experiencing at that time. Don't give it all up over something that when you are in heaven or heck, you will find to be completely stupid and pointless. Don't even waste the energy on thinking negative thoughts. Turn those thoughts into positives ones and if you find a reason for not living, say that you are homosexual and your parent who you are really close to until you tell them you are homosexual, after finding out says that they do not accept you and you are no longer part of the family because of it; don't kill yourself over it. Prove to them that you are, become an activist for gay rights or something positive that will not only can help you in your struggle but help others as well.
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Hi Erica,
ReplyDeleteWow, I am impressed at how at such a young age, how mature and wised up you are, please don't take offence but I certainly wasn't at your age! With reference to this post, my husband tried to commit suicide, he suffers with mental illness and looking back I can see exactly why he felt he wanted to. In the cruel clutches of a nasty mental illness, he really felt there was no other way out and his behaviour and actions at the peak of his illness saw him loose everything he held dear. I once had the same view, really I did, but there is often far more than meets the eye. Today though my husband can look back and be thankful he is alive and managing his illness, you see it wasn't a choice he made, he was mentally 'unfit' to make choices, so in essence it would have been a grave mistake. You have to question when people do commit suicide, how mentally unwell were they? In a rational and reasonable state of mind life is far to valuable to cut short, but when burdened by feelings, hallucinations and negative automatic thoughts that are beyond your control, often you loose control. I feel sadness for those who suceed and sadness for those left behind. I just thank my lucky stars every day that we managed to pull my husband through it and had him hopsitalised just in time. He also has a blog his one of many www.fracturedcognition.blogspot.com, he also has the one he used when he was VERY mentally unwell, pop him an email via his blog if you think it would be of interst to read the one when he was poorly, he has it private atm, but he may give you access.Its a hard read and really quite heartbreaking. He seems a monster when you read it, but he is the most wonderful man really.
Keep up the good advice hun!
xx
Hi Jodie,
ReplyDeleteThank you. Well I have had a lot of experiences to be as mature as I am. Oh don't worry, none taken. I can see exactly where one would see that life is unbearable. Even for my age, I personally, was at a point where i thought that the only thing I could do was to end it all. I was severely depressed from all that was happening in my life, and not the normal teenage stuff--that stuff really didn't bother me--but from a long list family and personal problems. I am glad to hear that he didn't take his life and that things are under control now. I honestly don't think that suicide can only occur in someone who is seen as irrational or mentally unfit, probably from a state of paranoia, stress, illness..you name it. From what I have seen it can also occur in someone as rational as the rest of us. It just depends on what they view as higher than them. Also it depends on the culture. Culturally, like in japan, a warrior/samuri if they are seen dishonorable in battle then they must stab themselves in the heart while another more honorable warrior/samuri beheads them. Usually the highest of rank. This, to them, redeems their honor. Sorry it seems I ended up ranting and getting off subject. I am really glad that things are looking up and I will try to message him because I am very interested in reading it. I will. Thanks again.
Hiya,
ReplyDeleteTHe cultural thing I think is differnt, not what was refernced in the initial blog, but again , my husband was totally rational in a very successful job, house family, children infact one of the most sensible and rational people you could meet..lol, then there is a 'trigger' in our case a very tragic trigger. These triggers or 'instigators' of suicidal thoughts cause questions, often internal conflict, instabiltiy and can play havoc with ones emotional state. All events of suicide from my research and experience, aside from cultural beliefs have a level of emotional imbalance or distress, mental illness isn't necessarily the cause, but the brain certainly has a lapse of 'rational funtioning'. Most of us have mental health issues at some point in our lives and none of us are always rational. However I beleive that when some one takes their own life through choice and not through a cultural belief (or as they are suffering terminal illness ie assisted suicide) they are 'mentally unstable or irrational' even if only for a very short time and that final moment. I am rational now, but have sat looking at a bottle of tablets and a bottle of vodka before and I was definitely 100% mentally unstable albeit for that short period, not enough though to commit the act.
HiHi
ReplyDeleteOh I see what you are saying. The brain is so complicated to understand. It seems I will have to do some more research into it, I am understanding it but to a point. So I will have to further research and expand my knowledge around mental states (all listings such as cultural, irrational thinking, rational thinking, triggers, anything really) and suicide. That way I can give a more accurate article and answers to people seeking advice in this particular area. You're very knowledgeable in this area. Once I research a bit more then I will write another article. -^.^- I am glad that the moment when you sat looking at the bottle of tablets and a bottle of vodka that you didn't take your life. You're a good teacher and I am learning a lot from you. Maybe we can have a similar discussion like this one. I look forward to it. -^.^-
Hi Erica,
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me commenting. I'm Jodie's afore mentioned husband, and when Jodie mentioned you blog post I thought I'd have a look and give you my perspective. You are more than welcome to have a look at my blog if it would be helpful to you.
Firstly I would say that my opinion on people who commit suicide was the same as yours up until about a year ago. I guess you rethink your beliefs when you are faced with a situation you didn't think you would ever find yourself in!
A few years ago, my sister took an overdose. This was around the time when I believe my illness started to take control of me. I thought her actions were selfish, and I didn't go and visit her, or even give her the time of day. Fortunately she is ok, but that very low level of emotional response is typical of what I have experienced, but in a much more extreme way, over the last year.
The peak of my illness (BPD and Mixed Effective Disorder) came when I sat on the end of a bed with a razor blade pressed firmly into my wrist, whilst in a psychiatric hospital (not a very good one, obviously). This had all stemmed from 6 months of taking a cocktail of anti-psychotic medication, being seperated from my wife and children and generally living like a wealthy child. Just to explain, I had a well paid job up until 6 months ago, and my mind had shrivelled to a pulp, causing me to go on a spending rampage!
All of my actions from the last year are somewhat blurred now. My memory has been severely effected (probably due to the large amount of medication), and maintaining a stable and positive mood is a battle I face every morning.
In direct response to your post, and both yours and Jodie's comments, I was completely irrational leading up to the atempt on my life. This is evident from my abuse of prescribed medication, alcohol and mistreatment of the people who love me the most. I agree that sometimes people who commit suicide can seem totally rational and 'not the type' to take their own life. However, from personal experience I know that it is very easy to manipulate people into thinking of you what you want them to think.
Harbouring feelings inside is much easier than walking around and having to explain to everybody who asks, just why do you look so down? Aswell as having to put up with the constant barrage of 'keep your chin up', and 'things can only get better' comments.
Guess I could go on for hours! Anyway, keep up the good work.
Paul
Hi Paul,
ReplyDeleteI don't mind it one bit. I thank you for stopping by.
I am sorry to hear about your sister doing that but am really glad she is alive as well as you.
IF they helped in anyway then they are good to a point, no? But while you were in there, did they allow any visitations that way you wouldn't be seperated from your wife and kids?? Or was it that you wanted to protect them while dealing with this that you purposely didn't see them, I am confused about that part? You don't have to elaborate if you don't want to, I was just wondering.
You helped clarify a lot. Thanks. And I wouldn't have minded if you went on for hours, I am interested in what you have to say and how you managed things. Not to mention I love your writing style, so professional. Both you and your wife have superb writing skills.
If it helps, something my sister did for me to help make my day seem worth waking up to that you could use. Everynight she would search for quote, inspirational phrases and cheery photos and set them up where they would be the first thing I see everymorning. This helped me during my depression and that might be why I have such a positive outlook on things now. Yeah sometimes I thought it was annoying but I never missed reading a single one. My most favorite one she ever did was a phrase/poem she wrote saying:
"Family is...
your guiders,
your teachers,
your experiences,
your love,
your friends,
your support,
your sadness,
your grief,
your sun,
your moon,
your stars,
your reason to get up every morning.
Family is yours for now and forever.
Hold tight to them for time passes faster than you think."
She had this under a mini collogue of our family photos and a tab at the bottom that said turn over. When I turned it over there was another saying that went along with the poem she wrote, it read: "You are my family so today and for always I will hold you tight because losing my sister and my best friend would be unbearable."
Even though it's hard to wake up each day thinking the glass as half full rather than half empty and that the grass is greener on your side of the fence, it is really hard to do but those little phrases and quotes she did gave me that boost to smile every day. She gave me a reason each day to be thankful for my life and to go out there and live.
ahh I ended up ranting again...my bad -^.^-
I will. thanks again.
Erica
Hi Erica,
ReplyDeleteIn response to your 'IF they helped in anyway then they are good to a point, no?' question, I have to say looking back that I wasn't helped in any whatsoever directly by being admitted into a psychiatric hospital. However, the indirect result of being hospitalised was such that I am now able to look back and realise, that if it wasn't for that specific sequence of events, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this now.
It may be impossible for you to imagine, but humour me if you will, for a moment.
You are feeling so hopeless you do not know whether to sit or stand, breathe or stop. The word positive does not exist, and your mind is so clogged up with emotional disconnection that its spins in total confusion. You need some freedom, some thinking time, some place where you can seperate the mess. The only problem is that you can't leave the cold, damp overwhelming stench of the unclean room you have been forced in. Leaving the ward you are on is possible only with an escort to the smoking area, and smoking is only allowed outside, in the pouring rain with no shelter.
But why would you want to be in the communal area of the ward when it is filled with people even more disturbed than you. Gargling words incomprehensible to even the most experienced of mental health nurses, confronting anybody in their line of site, and having conversations with telephones still sitting on the hook.
It is like being in prison, only as far as you are concerned you have done nothing to justify being there. You can see no end to the suffering, and no way out, despite the continously repetitive questioning from intrigued psychiatrists, looking and speaking to you like some kind of overly excited scientist.
The moment I got out, it was like being released as a hostage. The problem is, it had made me worse. I was more reclusive, very agoraphobic, my anxiety levels were in the stratosphere, and I was constantly paranoid. I spent the next 3 months sitting in my bedroom playing on the playstation for 14 hours a day, only leaving to get food and liquid.
During the first few months of being very ill, I had total emotional disconnection. I didn't want to see my wife or kids. I didn't feel like I had lost them, I felt glad to be rid of them. I couldn't feel more differently now, and the downside to that is that I ended up hating myself for the situation I put them all in. The psychological effect is fairly obvious on my wife, but how will it affect my children? The long term nature of a personality/mood disorder is such that I can only learn to manage it rather than look forward to a day of being free from it.
These things pass through my mind every day.
Sorry for going on a bit. I'm hoping to get all this kind of stuff down in a book sooner or later, which may make easier reading.
Take care,
Paul
Hiya Paul,
ReplyDeleteThings happen for a reason, whether we understand that reason or not. I strongly believe that.
I can more than imagine it. I am a very visual person by nature but when I read detailed writings like yours I am not only able to see it but I am able to feel it to some extent. I know that sounds weird but it's true.
Oh it's no problem at all. When that time comes I look forward to reading it.
Erica