Question:[self-analysis]
I am at a loss here, I suspect my sister's fiance` is cheating on her and possibly abusing her. I am worried for her and my two nephews because this man has a history of outbursts and anger issues. I do not want my sister or my nephews being hurt or worse, killed; what should I do?
Suggestions:
There is no exact answer to this because there are too many factors to take into account. One of the things to worry about is that the person who is being cheated on and/or abused, do not themselves want to accept or change what's going on out of fear or just plain denial/disbelief, than there is really nothing you can do. People don't take that into account when they see someone, say a child, being abused by an adult that if police are called in to stop this person and the police cannot find enough evidence than the adult will have to be set free of any charges but will be on a watch list so to speak, and often times the child is in a worse predicament because of this. I would tell her how you feel and what you think. She might get angry she might not. I know she did the first time I told her what I felt but that's to be expected. She is not the type to ask for help or show that she can't handle things. It may also have something to do with how I said things. It's currently a really difficult situation because there's just too much complication involved with the children. Both of them have different fathers and both have parental rights. She gets h-e-double hockey sticks from both the father's parents but she is a good mother. And if anyone dares to say she is loose or a slut then I will have to strongly disagree with you. I truly believe, since she was with them individually for a long time that after a while she believed they loved her whole-hearted and that it would last between them. Unfortunately it didn't but that doesn't mean that each child isn't a blessing and to all you who think that abortion is the best way. YOU ARE DEAD WRONG!!
If you choose to have sex then you must accept the consequences, a baby is a consequence therefore it becomes YOUR responsibility and NO ONE elses! If adopting out is the only way then make sure a family member adopts it. Family should be with family not with strangers. There are only few instances that I believe a fetus should be aborted: in cases of rape, if the girl is too young and it will be a great risk for her to carry it to term, if you are having like sextuplets and there is a fatal risk of you losing most their lives and your own(a HUMAN body is simply not made to carry that many), and if a fetus is aborted after it has come to look like a baby(I believe that is like 4 or 5 weeks into term) then I am sorry but that is MURDER!! I don't care how cruel I sound, I am entitled to my beliefs.
I ended up ranting off the subject but that's ok, it gives a better understanding of the situation and where I stand as far as it goes. She might get mad at me for posting this on a public blog but it could end up helping another. For now I can't think of any other suggestions although I know there is more. Keep watching for updates. Thanks
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Hi Erica,
ReplyDeleteWell done on handling a very delicate and emotive subject, with an objective approach.
It must be tough to be in a position where you are constantly questioning whether to act, and if so how to act, especially when there is so much at stake.
I think you are right, and from my experience, you need to be there in a supporting role. You cannot live the lives of friends and family for them, as this may well lead to resentment from them.
I agree almost wholeheartedly on your opinion regarding abortion. In this country it is illegal to have an abortion after 25 weeks (the last point at which the pregnancy is not viable). However, that does not justify the decision unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances.
Anyway, enough from me. I hope you manage to get some form of resolution, and your sister allows in the support that she needs.
Paul
Hiya Paul,
ReplyDeleteThank you -^.^-
It is but sometimes it's rather enjoyable. It's nice someone needing you there and knowing that they can come to you if something is wrong.
Sometimes that's all we can do, it's hard but important to step back and let others make their own mistakes and achievements, even if it is easier to do it yourself. If you do everything for another then they will learn nothing and above all they won't value anything because of it. Sometimes those feelings of resentment don't last long, you just have to be patient and wait for that person to realize that what you did helped them in the long run. It's like a teenager throwing tantrums because their parent won't let them smoke or drink or go to parties, etc..then later, as an adult, they come to realize that it was all for their benefit(even though they know it to some extent as a teenage, it just hits home more when they are adults I suppose).
I agree, it all depends on the situation and circumstances. It's such a hard decision and there really is no right or wrong way about it to be honest. We can only base our judgement from opinions, views, beliefs, and traditions.
Thank you again. She will be mad if I step in when she thinks it's unneccessary(i.e. if she is being abused and her mind is warped into accepting it) but it will only last for a short time and if it doesn't I don't mind so long as I know my sister is alive and well...and of course my two nephews.
Erica