Question:What do you do if a "friend" is abusing drugs or alcohol, but you know if you tell their parents that your "friend" will be kicked out or get into big trouble?
Suggestions:
There are many different suggestions for this one because that is just the basis of the situation. If a friend is abusing drugs or alcohol it is in their best interest to get them help, even if that means telling their parents or an adult who can help. Here are some steps that could help remedy the situation. EVERY situation is different and may have more underlying problems so this advice may or may not help so choose wisely.
Here are the steps:
1. Assess the situation by seeing how much they abuse. Although drugs and alcohol are never good for the body there isn't really a problem if they are only having one or two hits every so often or a sip every now and again. Abuse of alcohol or drugs means using excessively, sometimes to a point where it's not necessary. Be aware of the different stages of drug and alcohol use because one's body builds immunity to a substance quickly, so if they have been using for a long time and appear to be having more and more, it could just be that there body isn't getting the same high as before. It's still bad for them and can cause more damage but I will explain how to deal with it more.
2. Once you assess the situation and figure if it's a problem that is way out of hand, confront the person. The following scenario will depict a way for someone to confront another the best way possible. REMEMBER, everyone is different and reacts different to things. After the scenario I will elaborate on why the conversation may or may not have worked.
Scenario:
Person A is a teenage male who recently became a binge drinker due to some circumstances at home. Person B is a teenage female who wants to help her friend of 2 years but doesn't know that much about his situation(this could mean either at home, school, work, or another circle of friends).
Person B confronts Person A one day after school, she makes sure both of them are at their usual hang out spot and are relaxing in their normal atmosphere. Person B starts off by asking, "Has there been something that's been bothering you lately?"
"not really..?" he replies, looking at her kind of confused. "Why is there something wrong with you?" he asks her back.
"well..there is something but I don't know if you want to hear about it.." she says.
Person A is in disbelief that she doesn't want to talk about what's wrong, so being the type of guy he is, he pushes her on by continually saying, 'come on,' 'you know you want to tell me,' 'It'll make you feel better'...
Person B finally breaks and says to him calmly, "well it has to do with you drinking." her eyes looking at him with worry.
"With ME?! Drinking?! What's wrong with me drinking?!" he says getting defensive and jumpy.
She stays calm and continues by saying with some force behind it, "Yes there is something wrong with you drinking AS MUCH as you are drinking. It would-"
At this point, Person A may become over powering and yelling at her because she should be "minding her own business and worry about herself" or "he will stay completely calm to keep her thinking that there is really nothing wrong and it's all in her head. Either way he takes, he will still be in denial. Very rarely will you get someone who admits that they have a problem. For our purposes we will go with the most likely to happen of situations.
Person A cuts Person B off before she could finish saying what else she was going to say"WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT DRINKING TOO MUCH?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA SINCE YOU DON'T DRINK! I'M OUT OF HERE, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" he yells at her, then grabs his bag and leaves. Person B, she doesn't try to stop him because she wants him to cool down and think about it. She was going to blurt out that she was going to tell his parents about his drinking problem but decided against that.
-END SCENARIO-
Interpretation of Scenario 
It's always best to stay clam no matter how much you are being screamed or yelled at by the other person because they're not thinking rationally when they are flustered and yelling but you will be if you stay calm. They are in denial so 7 out of 10 times the yelling as per confrontation is what is most likely going to happen. On occasions, you will get someone who knows they have a problem or who is in denial of their problem but knows how to trick people into thinking they are not. They stay calm and try to distract you from what the truth is. Notice that in the scenario person B changed the situation around, she started by asking how he was and that got his attention but to advert the question he answered like most teens then turned the question on her, asking her the same question. She figured that since she couldn't get answers out of him and rather then pushing him by direct questions she would try to reveal it by pretending there was something wrong going on for her. She got her point across and you can tell he got angrier and angrier each time she said something about his drinking. This is a sign that he is refusing what she is saying and is making himself a door out.
Person B, when she was explaining to him what she found what was wrong with Person A's drinking, the AS MUCH is emphasized meaning she put more force behind her words but she continued to stay calm. She tried to point out that it was not necessarily the drinking but how much he was drinking that she was worried about and she would've gone on to explain it more if he hadn't of cut her off mid sentence. She did two really wise choices towards the end of their confrontation. First, she let him vent without interrupting then she didn't chase after him when he stormed off. Let the person cool down and process what you've said. Whether they are using drugs or alcohol, the will still process the materials or discussions through their head. But if they take what you've said to heart is another story, and one I can't tell. Second, she didn't reveal to him that she was thinking of telling his parents or another adult about his binge drinking. That is very wise because he's already mad enough and you don't want to set him off more. When someone is angry, anything can happen and the moral and logical rules go out the door when someone only sees red. There are a couple of interpretations that I left out and that's because I was always told that the best information learned is some that you must figure out on your own. tell me what you think I left out of the interpretation and I will tell you if you got it right or not.
-END INTERPRETATION-
3. Depending on how well the confrontation worked, the next step is to make the parent/guardian(s) or an adult with the power to do something, know the situation. And let them know that you want to remain ANONYMOUS about telling them. Now even though you say that you want to remain anonymous, that doesn't mean that your friend won't find out. There is always the chance that they put two and two together (meaning the confrontation from you then the confrontation of the adult).I am not going to sugar coat these because these are really some things they might say to try and discourage you from helping them is: 'I hate you,' 'I never want to speak to you or see you again,' 'you can just die,' I'm going to kill you,' etc... there are many things that they will try to say but what's more important, your friend saying they will hate you for eternity for helping them and not doing anything about it and they don't get help soon enough or your friend saying they will hate you for eternity and you doing something about it and helping them out long term. Sometimes, once your friend is clean they will either keep true to their word and never speak to you again or they will say thank you. It's too hard to tell but the thank you does happen every once in a while. 
4.If your friend gets help from the parent/guardian(s) or the adult and they go to detox, write them letters seeing how they are doing, what's new that's going on, tell them things that have been going on for you. And if that friend knows you are the one that told and got them put into detox write why you told an adult and that you didn't want to see them die or end up in a situation that they couldn't get out of because of their addiction/habit. If they don't respond then that's typical, expect that from them since they are bound to be angry. Just don't push too hard, make your point and leave it at that, check up on them every once in a while. Even though your friend might not think so, you are doing the right thing. The ONLY time I say not to do this is when you have a friend who you know will go to far if angered even the slightest. definitely don't push any of this on them then.
I hope this helps anyone needing advice for this particular question. Leave me comments if you have questions about advice you need or you need for a friend or also what you think I left out of the interpretation. Also just comments in general. Please do not leave comments that say you suck or you don't know what you are talking about because I research the items up for discussion and this particular on, I have dealt with on a first hand basis, more than once so I know what I am talking about. Also Read my disclaimer at the top of my page, it's on the header of the blog. I couldn't fit the words disclaimer in there but it is one. Make sure you read it and understand it before using my advice!
[Credit for the pictures belongs to fotosearch.com. In no way shape or form do I claim these photos to be my own.]
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